Trying to do it all

I’m probably not the only one, but after the initial anxiety and period of adjustment, I’m slowly getting used to the isolation and staying at home somehow. I still miss in-person social interactions, spontaneous outings to New York City, and the freedom to just walk around carefree, on the street, in museums, and in shops. But after two months I’m starting to accept the situation as somewhat normal. What I’ll never accept as normal though, is the suffering and deaths of so many thousands of people; it’s heartbreaking.

The new realities of the pandemic have driven me to some profound realizations about how I use my time. My activities over the last two months have included taking several online classes, a new exercise regime with virtual Pilates, and a stationary bike that has been added to our basement. I’ve been cooking and baking new recipes, sewing face masks, reading books, and discovering so many interesting podcasts. But I felt I wasn’t finishing anything. And maybe that’s where the problem is. Should there always be something “finished” at the end of whatever it is that I’m doing? I know I have put that pressure on myself; the result of decades of corporate discipline to be productive that I’m trying to transfer to my creative journey. It might be time to revisit that.

In the last few weeks I’ve tried out many new things. I dipped into Este MacLeod’s Color Play class (a limited time free online tutorial), where I’ve been experimenting with freehand drawing using numbers as the basis, and using water colors to finish it. There were five fun daily mini-projects that promised to channel my inner five year old. Who doesn’t like that! I did enjoy it, and made it to day three; then I got distracted. I signed up for the Mid Century Modern Curves online class by Carole Lyles-Shaw, and from that there is a quilt in progress on the design wall, with honest plans for a second one. I should put emphasis on the words “in progress” and “plans” though, since nothing is finished as I found another shiny (sewing) object: making clothes!

Triggered by the start of #memademay I got really inspired to make my own wardrobe. This is an annual initiative on Instagram, where sewists pledge to wear their me-made items throughout the month of May, and post selfies with a description of the fabric and/or pattern they used. I’ve followed this hashtag for about 2-3 years now, but I hadn’t really made any clothes since I was in my late teens, and my mother helped me when it got tricky. So last summer I took a workshop to refresh my knowledge on the “how to” of sewing garments. Under the guidance of Lindsey Rae from @sewtogrow, I spent 2 days @gothamquilts in NYC and came home with a me-made dress. I had fabric for several other items, purchased over time, whenever I got inspired to make something, so I was determined to not let another May come and go without action. I signed up for the Mindful Wardrobe Project, a 7-week program by Meg McElwee of @sewliberated. I’ve followed Meg on Instagram for quite a while, and saved many of her posts as favorites. And especially now that I’ve said farewell to the corporate world and I can dress in whatever I like, my wardrobe can use an update and reinvention. So I sewed a #stratatop. The first version actually came out surprisingly well, but I decided it wasn’t the perfect fit for me; too much A-line, and a bit too short for my liking. At 5’2” I like to wear something a little longer to stretch my torso, and I look better in straight tops and dresses. I guess I knew that, but the Strata Top always looked so good on other people; I didn’t pay enough attention to that.  A learning experience for sure, and something this course promises to teach me so I can pick my next patterns and fabrics more carefully.  But it gave me some much needed practice. I’m enjoying the online Community in this

project. I can post selfies (the good, the bad and the ugly) of outfits, ask for fitting advice, write down how I feel about whatever the topic of the week is, and provide encouragement on other people’s posts. Everyone is cheering each other on, and I’m hoping to come out of this with a better understanding of how to create a mindful me-made wardrobe. My ultimate goal is to incorporate piecing and quilting in the clothes I make and create my own designs with that.

Last week I dedicated a whole day to work on one of my UFO’s, a quilters expression for an unfinished object (of which I now have several queued up - a result of regularly shifting priorities and general lack of focus). Taking a day to fully focus on one thing (and one thing only!) certainly created some magic. It got me motivated, and then within three days I finally finished the Freewheeling Single Girl quilt, a Denyse Schmidt @dsquilts pattern from an online sew along in September last year. I quilted it with my walking foot, offsetting straight lines within the circles with echoing curves around the outside. Being mindful of fabric waste I topped it off with a scrappy binding made of leftovers from the pieced back. The low volume color palette was an unusual choice for me, but I wanted to do something outside of my comfort zone. I’m really happy with the way it turned out!

But while I was trying to do it all, and have been frustrated by my perceived lack of productivity, I realized that these past two months have given me so much more than finished products. In addition to the cooking, baking, fitness, reading and podcasts, I experimented with freehand drawing and water color, something I can’t remember doing since elementary school, I learned some new improvisational quilting techniques, and I’m making clothes. These are all experiences I thoroughly enjoyed. I’ve also become really mindful of how much time I spend on social media, and in general I have spent a lot less money on non-essential things. But most of all I’ve recognized that productivity can come in many different forms. The experiences I’m having while exploring different skills in different mediums are all contributing to my creative journey.  Allowing myself the time to do that, without the pressure of a finished product, is a recurring theme for me, and not a quick fix, but I’m confident that with continuous practice I will get better at it. So while I judged myself for struggling to get projects finished, in fact I was having experiences that not only helped me cope with the isolation, but that are valuable steps on my creative journey. That was a critical insight for me.

Thank you for following along here, and I hope you are also giving yourself the gift of time to experience whatever small or big things that give you pleasure and support the journey you’re on.