After a long hiatus

Returning to my blog feels a bit like finding my way back to an old friend. We fell out of touch for a while, doing other things. However, establishing a regular blog practice is an important part of my journey and my development as an artist, and so here I am. The latest phase of my journey has been marked by a lot of self reflection. Since taking my first workshop with Irene Roderick in March, followed by another one in May that spanned 4 weeks, I’ve been on this path of self reflection. 

Prompted by Irene, childhood memories and things I’ve always loved have flooded back into my purview, and I’ve started to understand how these things have shaped me and how I need to allow them to extend into my creative work if I want to seriously work on exploring my artistic voice. This applies to life events and roads taken, but as much or even more to emotions and feelings, which I’ve always found much harder to express.

From a young age I’ve been trained to keep emotions in check. It was part of the culture I grew up in. In rural Netherlands in the 60’s and 70’s there was little room for emotional expression, the arts, or exploring talents towards anything that wouldn’t lead to a steady job or career. And even though that wasn’t deemed all that critical for girls, because, you know, they’ll probably get married, have kids, and so aspiring to a nice (part-time) job is just fine, any emotional and artistic impulses were suppressed. I chose a different life and career path and moved abroad as soon as I could get away from our small town, but I took with me the baggage I had been given, and any artistic impulses remained muzzled until I discovered modern quilts just a few years ago.

Exploring my artistic voice seems a natural next step on my journey as an artist. After trying out just about every technique used to make quilts, initially working from patterns, then designing my own, and working improvisational style, I felt I was a bit all over the place. My quilts weren’t visibly related, there was no consistency in the style, or even type of quilts I made. For a while I was perfectly ok with this. I was learning, and took advantage of working with different teachers, and trying out as much as I could. I felt I would eventually narrow it down to what comes most natural to me, and what I enjoy the most. And to a certain extent this held true; I’ve been very focused on and fond of improvisation, and the perfectionist in me has (surprisingly) made way to a much looser and freer way of working. This doesn’t mean that when my design calls for cutting straight lines, exact measurements, and matching points I can’t still be meticulous about that. But I found I was still jumping from one thing to another, too restless to commit to go deeper on one technique, theme, topic, style, or inspiration source. I had already read some books about exploring and finding your artistic voice over the last year or so, and when I recently took that second workshop with Irene over the course of a month, things started to click. Maybe I was more fearful than restless? Confronting some of the deeper thoughts, anxieties and fears, bringing them to light and letting them take their place in my work was not something I was comfortable with. The culture I grew up in, combined with a long corporate career didn’t exactly prepare me for this. So I went back to some of the books I already read, and added some new ones recommended by Irene, I reflected, read some more, and I’ve started to understand the impact this can have.

The daily doodles Irene prescribes for this process also took me way out of my comfort zone. I’ve never been a drawer or sketcher. I’m much better expressing myself with words and written text.  My initial doodles were mindless scribbles with a simple lead pencil. I didn’t particularly like them, they looked like nothing, and as a result I did them haphazardly or sometimes not at all. Until I began to see the doodles of some of my fellow students in the group, and listened to how they talked about them. I realized they had been able to put so much more into these exercises, and the small sketches were an extension of the inspiration for their work. A bit of a lightbulb moment, and my own doodles started to shift. Still in a very beginning stadium, but I’ve slowly started to experiment more with colored pencils, markers, water color, and even acrylic paint. It’s liberating that I can keep these totally private if I want, and I can allow myself to make drawings and sketches that I think are really bad, but I’m learning to express myself through them, and I’m starting to feel a little better about some of them. 

 I want to share some of the books I’ve read or I’m currently reading, that have given me insights and lessons in self reflection and emotional expression, and in addressing fears, like not being good enough. There were also some practical lessons on how to create habits, establish a daily practice, and get my work out into the world.

The Artist’s Way - Julia Cameron
The Creative Habit - Twyla Tharp
Daily Rituals, Women at Work - Mason Currey
Exploring your Artistic Voice in Contemporary Quilt Art - Sandra Sider
Find your Artistic Voice - Lisa Congdon
Art & Fear - David Bayles & Ted Orland
Big Magic - Elizabeth Gilbert

Exploring my own artistic voice is a continuous journey and not a quick process, but I’m excited to have embarked on it. Thanks for reading along.  Maybe you find inspiration in some of these books, or have already read some of them yourself. Let me know how you felt or what you learned from them. I invite you to leave a note in the comments.